unpacking the heart

So the entire time that I wrote this post I left the title empty. I wasn't quite sure what to call it because nothing seemed to fit what I was feeling, but then I was checking the blogs that I read and I came across a friend of mine's that is titled "Unpacking the Heart." The title of her blog comes from her husband who is a minister and when he is talking to other people and listening to what is on their mind, he will often tell them to unpack their heart a.k.a. share what's on their mind. When I read this, I thought what a perfect title for this post because that's exactly what I am doing, sharing my heart with you. Now I usually don't share my fears and struggles on the blog because I am sure you have better things to read about, but this time I feel it is necessary for me to. Tomorrow I become a working mommy. My maternity leave is officially over and I now how to be focused on work as well as my family.  I will say that these past 12 weeks at home with her have been some of the best of my entire life and I will cherish the time and relationship that I have been able to build with her while I have been at home. It's been nice focusing on my baby and marriage while adapting to becoming a family of three and I am so blessed and grateful for the time that I was able to spend at home, but becoming a working mom means that at 6:30 every morning I will be physically leaving my heart at home for 8 hours of the day while I go out to help earn a living for our family. This might be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Harder than labor. Luckily I have an amazing husband who has a home office and will be keeping our baby girl at home during the day while he is also working. He is my hero not only for this reason but many others. I am so glad that we don't have to put her in daycare and she will be home with her daddy, but at the same time I am also so sad that I don't get to be with her 24/7 anymore. I am scared to death  that I am going to miss one of her "firsts" and just typing it out brings tears to my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It's so rewarding and working with children is what I love to do, but I am sad to leave my baby girl at home each day. I don't say all of this to whine or pout about working because I know what has to be done for my family, but knowing what has to be done and how your heart feels are two different things.  Like I told a colleague of mine, I will now have to learn to balance my two passions in life, but what use to be my first passion now feels like a second job. Addy is and always will be my first priority. So tomorrow I will put on my big girl panties, hold my baby girl a little bit longer in the morning, grab a couple extra kisses before I leave and cling tight to the 1,000 pictures that I have on my phone of her until I can get back home because my heart is content knowing my husband will have it all under control. If you think of me tomorrow, please say a prayer for my heart. It will be breaking a little bit, but I know with my great colleagues and students I will make it through the day and back home to my little family as quickly as possible. 

When we were dating Mike always showed me when I was displaying characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman. I want to be that kind of woman, mother and wife, so I looked up the verse and here is what I have to remember in order to be that kind of a woman:

Proverbs 31: 15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family    and portions for her female servants.

Proverbs 31:17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

Boyd's Orchard

Early this afternoon we took Addison to the pumpkin patch at Boyd's Orchard to get her very first pumpkin. We also stopped along the way and picked apples (Mr. Fogle and I do this every year) and Addison got to "pet" a horse. She really didn't pet it or even touch it, but oh well!  The weather was absolutely beautiful and the fields weren't too muddy despite all the rain we've gotten the past few days. 

The hubs, Addy and I headed to pick a pumpkin

mommy and her girl

choosing the perfect pumpkin

I think I found it!

YEP!

daddy and his girl

see, only a little mud

Pickin' apples. We like to try them before we make a decision ;) They should weigh you before you pick and after. They would make a ton of money that way!

my momma

we obviously had a personal photographer. Aunt Madi was on a roll! Too bad she didn't make it into any of the pictures. 

daddy and Addison picking apples

Mike had to hand her off because there was the perfect apple WAY up in the tree. He basically climbed up to the top and then decided he didn't want it. HA!

my baby

Addison and mommy with my mom and dad

Mimi and Addy

Precious girl

"petting" the horse

my family <3

I loved the white pumpkins. I still might have to get one!

Great day!! Oh how I love fall!

Homecoming

Madison's senior homecoming last night. She. looked. beautiful. We are so proud of her because not only was she on homecoming court last night, but she has represented her class all four years of high school. In my book that's something to be proud of.