Me-ism vs. We-ism

When Mike and I first found out that were were expecting I had about 5 or 6 people tell me one piece of advice that they would give me is to get the book Baby Wise and follow it to a T. I kinda wanted to know what it was all about, so the more I inquired, I found it was a way to get babies on a schedule and sleeping through the night pretty quickly. My friends that I work with SWEAR by this book and all of their babies have been sleeping through the night since they were anywhere from 6-8 weeks old. So the other night I mentioned the book to Mike and asked him if he was interested in trying it out to get Addy on a schedule once she gets here. He was game, so I got the book from Beth and started reading. I wanted to share some things I've read so far...

 I was really surprised to find that the first couple of chapters had nothing to do with a feeding schedule, how to burp your child or breast feeding vs. bottle feeding. Instead it was about maintaining a healthy relationship and marriage with your spouse even though you are welcoming a new child into the family. All too often parents lose sight of the fact that they are a wife/husband along with a mother/father. I am sure it would be so easy to do, but it is also important that your spouse still knows that you adore him/her as well. Here's the thing...a marriage is a relationship like no other. Of course you have your girlfriends, your buddies and your parents, but you only have one spouse. It a much different a deeper relationship that should be nurtured and cared for daily. And here's the thing, a great marriage will produce great parents.The book says that a child is born with a radar that senses parental conflict. They feel insecure if they sense tension between their mom and dad. It is important to maintain your marriage and raise a confident child. Set aside time for each other. Continue to have date nights. Take time at the end of the work day to hug and kiss your spouse. Take 15 minutes of "no children allowed time" to catch up and have an adult conversation with your spouse. Allow your children to be a witness to your commitment to each other because it will produce a joy and sense of security within them.

So what's my point? What's this whole me-ism vs. we-ism thing? All too often, and I can understand why, a child is born and becomes the center of the entire universe. Everything else is forgotten and the child thinks that the world revolves around them. These are the children that want something and get it right then. They never have to wait for anything. These are the children who don't like to stay at home with a babysitter, so the parents  never go out on a date night and have time for each other. The children who don't like peas or broccoli, so they get and entire dinner different from the rest of the family. The parents to these children are actually disabling their child and they don't even realize it. These kids are living in a me-ism world. They believe everything revolves around them. How will they react when a new sibling enters the picture and now there are two people at the center of the universe? Since these children are raised this way they will start to expect this kind of treatment in every relationship they are ever in and when the person does not deliver the same type of treatment it is frustrating to the child. 

Then there is the child that is raised in a we-ism type of family. When the child is born they are welcomed into an existing routine and into a family where the parents are committed to one another. The child witnesses the parents being in a secure relationship with one another and in turn can be a part of the joy that the parents feel. The child is taught that his/her parents still have a relationship and need to spend time with one another. Sometimes the child must wait. He or she might be told no. If he or she does not like what is for dinner, then a entirely new dinner is not made because of this. This child is nurtured, protected, and loved beyond belief but is not given everything that he or she wants at the drop of a hat. Instead the child is raised as part of the family unit where there is compromise and times where he or she is told no. These are the children that other kids and adults enjoy being around. They have an enjoyable disposition and can form lasting and healthy relationships as an adult. They are able to see the "we" in the family unit and not just the "me" part of it. 

So how can this be done? First of all, protect your marriage. Date your spouse once the baby arrives, spend 15 minutes together once you are both home from work catching up and talking about your day. Allow your children to see this interaction between the two of you. Try not to let your life completely stop once the baby comes. Of course it will for a while when they are very small, but get back into a routine as quickly as possible. Make small, loving gestures toward your spouse. Invite other people over to have some adult time.  

This is how I want Addison to be raised; in a family where she learns that we are a team, a unit, and it's not all about her all of the time. I want her to become a child that is enjoyable to be around. One that can compromise, go with the flow and most importantly know what her mommy and daddy love her very much, but we also love each other. I want her to know that we are a team and a family and that sometimes means you don't get what you want right away and you might have to give a little. 

So far I love this book! I would definitely recommend it to any first time parents. I'm learning a lot!