I will wait on you...

As a mom, your instinct is to "fix it." Whatever the case may be, something as small as a dirty diaper, you just want your baby to be happy and so you fix whatever the problem is. When you can't fix the problem, it's frustrating and consuming. All you think about is how you can make your baby better and happy asap. In my case, Addison is very sick, we aren't getting any answers and I can't take care of the problem myself. I am at the beck and call of every single doctor that's working to make Addison better. The phrase that I hate the most is, "I don't know." I thought that doctors were the end all be all and were supposed to know the answers to everything, but they don't. There is one person that does know all the answers though...

A friend of mine posted a quote on my Facebook wall that I have thought a lot about these past couple of weeks. The quote reads:

"This is how God works. He puts His people in positions where they are desperate for His power, and then He shows His provision in ways that display HIS greatness." David Platt, Radical


Desperate...His power...His greatness. Those are the words that stick out to me in that quote. Desperate is a complete understatement as to the emotions that Mike and I have been feeling lately. I have begged God to help, to take it away, to give it to me, to give us an answer. I have also thanked him for His healing thus far, although we have a way to go. 

I had something amazing happen to me through all of this trial and tribulation. As I have said before, we have exhausted ourselves trying to "fix" Addy and find an answer as to why our baby is sick. One night I was so discouraged and scared and I began to pray. My prayer to God at that moment was to guide Mike and I for the right decision for Addison. What did we need to do? Who did we need to see? Had I done everything in my power so far to make sure that my daughter was getting the best care that was out there? I don't think this happens very often and to be honest I am not sure it has ever happened to me, but I strongly felt God's presence and I also heard, "WAIT." 


WAIT. So God told me to wait, but that opened up a whole lot of questions. Wait for what? How long? We all know how I am with waiting on things. It definitely not my strong point. One night after Addison went to bed Mike and I were sitting on the couch and we were talking. I was very discouraged and upset and we were just talking about things in general. I was mad because Addison was sent home from the hospital in basically the same condition that we were admitted in. She still had the fever, still had the rash, but the vomiting had stopped. One thing led to another and I told Mike about what it was that God had told me. He was very encouraged by what had happened and told me that he knew things were about to get better. So, that is what we will do, we will wait because we know what God will pull through in a mighty way.

Although Addison is not better right now, we are starting to make progress. In fact, we have been readmitted to the hospital, for some pretty serious and scary testing, but one thing is for sure, God is present in this situation. God didn't promise in this life that we wouldn't have trials, but he did promise that he would provide us with a future filled with hope. I have been brought to my knees many times in the past few days in prayer. I have begged God to heal my little girl and make every test that has been administered to her negative. We are in the process of healing right now and I am sure that God knows exactly what he is doing. The words "CANCER" "LYMPHOMA" and "LUKEMIA" have all been taken off of the plate of possible illnesses for Addison and for that I praise God. 

Right now I don't know much, but I do know one thing though, God has used this situation to teach me a lot. I know he has also been working in my husband as well as others, but I want to share my story. Sometimes I guess you feel that you become invincible, like the bad things in life will never happen to you. This can be a bad cycle especially if you lead a very busy life style, and who doesn't have one of those? Sometimes when work, mom/wife duties take over, prayer and quiet time can sometimes get pushed aside. When you feel this way about life, sometimes you forget to talk to God on a daily basis. I am a Christian, that is for sure, but I know I am not walking with God where I need to be. I really feel that he has shown me that in the situation that he is brining us through. He has shown me that I do, in fact, need him....very much! He has shown me how great his power can be, especially when we are the weakest. He has shown me that when I am afraid I can trust in him to bring me through that situation. He has reminded me that He needs to come first; above work, above wife/mom responsibilities, above everything. And most importantly, he has reminded me that I need to be in constant conversation with him. 

I am humbled at the grace that God has shown my little family over the past few weeks. I have realized the power of prayer is one amazing thing. Being in a confined room for a week I have really had the time to focus on my prayers to Him. He is working such a miracle in my little girl and I know there are many more praying for her, and for that you have no idea how grateful I am. 

So, to recap...Yes, Addison is back in the hospital, but we are getting to the bottom of what is causing this rash and persistent fever. Yes, she is going to get better because I have a God above who promises a future to those who believe in him, and I trust in the plan that he has for my family. One thing is certain, we will continue to wait on God because that is what He has instructed us to do. In His time, He will show His greatness and His power in the trial that we are facing right now.

Father,

Please forgive me for not walking with you the way that I should be walking. I now see that I have my priorities all messed up and I am ready to change. I want to put you first, to make time for you and to live in a way that glorifies you, God. I am so thankful that you have brought us to where we are today. We are scared, but you have promised when we are afraid we can trust in you. I know that you have a plan for us, and for that I am thankful. I know that you have the power to heal Addison completely and I know you will do that in your own time. Please help me to realize that your timing and my timing might be two different things, but that yours is the perfect one. Please give me patience as we wait on you. We will continue to wait, because that is what you have told me to do. Although I might not understand everything that is going on and the reasons behind it, I know that you hold Addison in your hands and have a plan to heal her. Father God thank you for trusting me and Mike to raise Addison. We are so thankful for this opportunity to be called her mommy and daddy and I pray that everything we do for her will glorify you. Thank you for your healing Father.

Amen

2 Corinthians 12 But he said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made great in your weakness."

Jeremiah  29:11 For I know the plans I have made for you. I have plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

Psalm 27:14 Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for The Lord

Psalm 46:10 be still and know that I am God. I will be exhaled in the nations I will be exhaled in the earth.

Psalm. 56:3 when I am afraid I trust in you.

Proverbs 3:5-7 trust in The Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, but in all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

Psalm 16:8 I constantly trust in The Lord because he is at my right hand and I will not be upended.

Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 37:5 depend on The Lord; trust him and he will take care of you.

Mark 5:34 and he said to her," daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Psalm 30:2 lord my god, I called to you for help and you healed me.