On your first birthday...

Dear Addison,

You're one today and I can't believe it! I am sitting here wondering how one year went by so quickly. It's a happy but sad feeling all the time. I want you to stay my little baby forever, but I look at you and I am amazed at the little girl that you are becoming. Addison, I am proud of you and I hope you know how much your mommy and daddy love you. Honestly, we are amazed by you. Your happiness, your strength, your bravery, your contagious smile, your determination, your joy, everything about you. This past year with you in my life has been the best year anyone could ever ask for. Addison, I love being your mommy!

Just last year we were dreaming of what you would look like, who you would be, what your personality would be like, how much you would weigh, how long you would be and now here you are a bubbly little ball of energy that is just perfect beyond belief. I know you don't understand this now, but when you get older, much older and you have a family of your own, you will understand how much you are loved by me. Or at least I pray you do. I'm amazed by you. Your laugh when Pumpkin plays with you, your laugh in general, the way you dance at any kind of music that comes on, the way you are so curious to new things around you, the way you cuddle up close when you're going to sleep, the way you give the best slobbery kisses around, how you get excited when daddy or mommy comes home after a day of being at work. You are so much more than I ever dreamed of!

I remember this time last year we were at the hospital and you had just been born. After 23 long hours of labor, you came into this world and I remember thinking how beautiful you were. It was nothing short of a miracle to watch a little life be born. You are surely a gift from God and I just remember thinking how amazing you were. I remember the nurse laid you on my chest so that we could cuddle for the first time (the first of many!) and you lifted your head and looked up at me like you knew exactly who I was. Addison, you have no idea how deeply in love I fell with you. For the next little bit we looked at every inch of you to see what part of you looked like mommy and what part of you looked like daddy. We couldn't get enough of you. In fact, when we were in the hospital we decided to let you sleep in the nursery where a nurse could watch you the whole time so that mommy and daddy could rest too. I woke up once in the middle of the night and I missed you so badly. I just wanted to hold you again, so I called the nurse and she brought you back. I just held you for the longest time while you slept and your daddy slept (on a very small couch mind you!) and I just remember thinking how happy and blessed I was. I thought the love I was feeling was going to make me just pop! Those days in the hospital when we welcomed you in to our family are some of the best days of my life. Ones that I will surely cherish forever!

I am amazed at how you grow and change from day to day. Sometimes it feels like you even change from minute to minute. I am reminded how precious your little life is and how much God had trusted me and your Daddy to be your parents while he has loaned you to us here on Earth. To be honest, I am not sure what I ever did right to make God feel that I deserve to be your Mommy, but I am thankful beyond belief for you. You're the biggest accomplishment of my life. If nothing else, please know that you are loved more than you could ever fathom. Addison, I want you to know that every single day I do my very best to be the Mommy you deserve. In fact, I pray every single day that I can be the mommy you deserve, because let me tell you, you deserve the world! I pray I will show you God's grace and love through the way I parent you. I pray that I will be an open book for you to show you and to talk about the love of God. I pray that your heart will accept Jesus. I pray and pray for you Addison, and as your mommy I think that there are so many important things to do for you, but that praying for your heart and the way that your daddy and I lead you and parent you is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) ones.

If I could keep you little forever, I would. I have said that from the beginning, but I also have said that with each new stage your personality is blooming and the joy I get from watching you grow and learn is immeasurable. I know you have to grow and to become a young person, but man oh man, if I could just cuddle you up and keep you my baby forever I would. Sometimes I forget how small you really were when you were born. Just about a month ago we went to the doctor for a check up and there was what I thought was the smallest baby ever in the waiting room. When I asked the mom how much her baby weighed, she was an entire pound bigger than you were when you were born. I couldn't get over how quickly I had forgotten what it was like to have you as a baby that small. I know that as you grow you will exceed everything I have dreamed for you, because that's how you are. You are more than I could have ever dreamed!

So here I am, with my talkative, curious, friendly, joyful, happy ONE YEAR OLD baby and I want to laugh and cry all at the same time. I am also trying to wrap my head around the amazing blessing I have been given in my daughter. How could I ever thank God enough for you? If there's one thing I've learned, it's that this year has gone by way too fast. Luckily I feel like I have soaked up every second of every single day. I know in the next year I will cherish every single moment just like I have done this year, because honestly, it's gone in the blink of an eye.

So Addison, as you end your first year of life and dive in to your second, I know we are going to make so many new amazing memories. Thank you for making my dream of being a mommy come true when you entered this world one year ago. I couldn't be more proud to call myself your mommy! I love you!!

All my love,
Mommy